my MOH (matron of honor) agreed to stay with me the night before the wedding. we left the rehearsal dinner, drank a glass of wine, watched a movie, and just relaxed. we didn’t really talk about the wedding and i just enjoyed the moment with my best friend.

the month or so before “wedding week” had been rough. work had been stressful and i had been worrying over the details of the wedding. but by the week of the wedding i had found my zen. i had let go of details and was just totally focused on getting to our wedding day with joy and excitement.

i don’t remember if i set my alarm or not but i woke up early enough. it was one of those mornings when i just had a peace about everything. where everything seemed to be in its right place. i text G and he text me back so i felt calm that i wouldn’t be stood up (ha!) and then took a shower and started getting ready at a pretty leisurely pace.

our wedding wasn’t until 5 pm and we didn’t have to be to the venue until 3 pm so we had pretty much all day to get ready. we took our time eating lunch, i took my time doing my make up and hair, and time seemed to be moving so fast and too slow at the same time.

 when we arrived at the winery it was already a flurry of excitement. our director, my new sister-in-law was getting decorations organized and telling people where to go. my family was there looking so nice in their formal wear. especially my baby brother in his black tuxedo. the winery staff were getting into their places and trying to help as much as they could.

once we got settled in to our hideaway room and changed into our dresses it was time for photos. running around and squatting and smiling and posing and not posing and walking and standing still and looking chic and looking natural. it was a fast and furious 30 minutes.

then time stopped altogether because i had to go hide in my tiny room with my bridesmaids. we entertained ourselves by peeking out the window and taking pictures. i had a very small list of people that were allowed to come in and speak to me (to save me from feeling overwhelmed) and during that time i had 2 very special moments. one being when my friend scott, who also performed part of the ceremony, came in to see us. we all held hands and he prayed over the day. scott is quite literally one of the first friends i made when i moved to nc as an awkward middle schooler and he and i have become very close over the years. he also happens to be married to one of my bridesmaids who is also a very dear and lovely friend.

the second was our “sneak peek” picture. G and i had decided to take a picture where we were holding hands but not seeing each other before the wedding. we did this for several reasons. it would make a cute picture. it was a moment for us to be together before the wedding. and we wanted to pray with each other before the wedding. i guess we had kind of kept the praying part to ourselves because when i came out of my hidey hole to take the picture everyone else kept on doing their thing. but then when we said we were going to pray everyone stopped and just stared at us. haha. it’s maybe one of my favorite parts of our wedding day that G and i were able to pray together before our wedding. it was the perfect moment to remember why we were there and what we were doing and to just step back and take it all in while in the presence of God.

confession. we didn’t even say “i love you” during that time!

then it was back to my tiny room. where i was left alone for like 30 minutes. oh yes. that’s a crazy long time to be alone and contemplate your life. mostly i felt trapped. secondly i felt annoyed that everyone else could see and enjoy what was going on while i was stuck in a tiny room. thirdly i felt bored. i was ready to go and get married.

my mind was kind of all over the place. wondering what everything looked like. what G looked like. if he was thinking of me or thinking of a billion things like i was. but mostly i sat back there imagining walking toward my groom for the first and last time ever. and what that would feel like. and how could i ever hold that in my heart forever in just the right way.

phew. sorry for the long and wordy post but it’s these kinds of moments i want to capture in words and remember for a lifetime.